Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
splinters make it hard to masturbate
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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