No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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