do herpes really smell.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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