If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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