all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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