I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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