I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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