I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
