He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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