im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
