maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
