I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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