ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
