Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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