Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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