my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You don't make any sense
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