how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
