Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
