guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
