I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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