adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
