Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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