We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
