I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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