K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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