By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
