Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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