I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
love makes seman taste better
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
