got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You can't just leave with hair like that
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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