it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
