I'm lost and stupid without you.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
