she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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