if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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