i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
