Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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