She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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