I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
