Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
