I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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