How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
