I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
