question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
