Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
