You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Four minutes until I can fart!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
