Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize