How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
