its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
