I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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