btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
