at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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