I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
