Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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