Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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