you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
