i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
