All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
