I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
