it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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