You just made me feel so damn special
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
