Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
my liver is dry heaving
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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