ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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