Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
