Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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