Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
