Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
