Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
