weddingsv make me drug and hornr
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
