it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
