I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
