i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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