guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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