I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
