S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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