I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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